So I know this totally conflicts with what I said earlier but I think I have a chance to fuck a girl that broke my heart in high school . . . I was in love with her, she used me. . . now she's a single mom with a guy that doesn't put out enough . . . does this make me an asshole, yeah. Yeah I have feelings for the new girl, but she won't date me, and this does not affect that. This would put the 3rd notch in my belt and help me decide for sure whether or not I can handle a one night stand. . . of course it would make a cute love story . . . blah, I'm gonna go with it and see what I can pull off. Worst she can do is reject me again and I'm finally over that one after 6 years, lol

So yeah it's been a couple weeks and I confess I have a new secret blog for my private thoughts. These thoughts, not so private. First, I turned 25 in a blaze of glory and defeat. I have new friends and despite with those new and old friends say, I'm going against their advice and falling for someone that I probably shouldn't fall for. She's cute, she's smart, she needs me. Every other guy in her life, has used her for sex and then dumped her. She's had her heart broken. She says, I'm not her type, but I know I make her feel better. So if I'm not her type, I don't really care if she doesn't date me at the moment. For now I get a friend. And you guys know me, I don't do casual friends very well. For me, it's all of me or none of me and if you don't want all of me, break my heart early so it doesn't hurt as bad. And yeah, this may hurt in the end, but I don't care. I just want to make her feel better. Is she special? Honestly, I haven't really decided that yet, I don't know. Is she someone worth finding that out for? Defiantly. Here's to hope and heart break.

I love you readers. I don't know who you are, but you've read me through 5 years of my life. Through the ups and downs and ins and outs, you've been there for me. And even if I can count you all on one hand, then it's worth it. Because just like friends and lovers, if I can't have all of you, if you don't want all of me, then go away. I don't do casual.

Will this all be different if she's not as responsive tomorrow as she was today? Is the high that I'm feeling from today just her responding positivly to me for a change, or am I truly looking at life differently? We'll find out tomorrow, I have work to do tomorrow and I'll pay as little or as much attention to her as I want to and see how much fun we have. Of course she just admitted to Facebook stalking me, so, so much fun :)

In it for the game?

So yeah a lot’s happened in the past few day and I don’t really want to get into it because as emotional as it should have been, it really wasn’t. Well it was at the time, but at the moment it isn’t.

What I’m going to talk about is S, I’m playing a game with her. We’re flirting back and forth, she kinda likes me, I kinda like her and we’ll see where it goes. For now, it’s just a game and it’s fun right? I know that there’s a chance that I’m going to get hurt from the whole thing, but for now it’s fun and I know I can deal with it when the time to get hurt comes. I’ve dealt with it before and I’ll deal with it again I’m sure. For now, I’m not getting that attached, well I kinda am, but not as attached as I’ve been in the past, and who knows …

I really want to read this one later because when I get hurt or when I find my Happily Ever After, this is an emotional snap shot.