"I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy." - - George W. Bush

I just had a HUGE revelation and I'm not sure what to do with it. Whenever I meet someone, I assume that they don't like me.

I recently realized that I am not, in fact, physically repulsive to the opposite sex. After the initial glory of the revelation, I realized last night, while in the middle of a still unexplained bawling session in an empty apartment, that I can no longer use my bad looks as an excuse for people not liking me. Now every time a girl turns me down it's because who I am isn't good enough for them. Some flaw in my personality pushed them away.

But I was sitting here in an empty apartment and I started crying and I couldn't figure out why. I tried thinking about different things to see if I could provoke the crying. I didn't miss A, I didn't miss the roommates, I kinda missed M, but that's another story. I think the best I came up with was needing a hug, but that would be have been the solution to the crying, not the cause of it.

But I just wanted to get down this feeling for later: I am afraid of not being physically repulsive because I can't use it as a crutch any more.

Don't look back at what we had, look forward to what we have. We have someone to go to when everything else seems bleak, we have something to cling to when the rest of the world rejects us. What we had was good, but isn't it fun to get to know each other and enjoy life as it comes?