Some times eating to excess makes my anxiety go up a little, other times it makes me feel better. Just an observation. And no more drinking coffee that late.

But now I realize that I just assumed everyone hated me.

I assume most people are mad at me unless they give me a reason not to think so. It's like I used to say: I hate everyone unless they give me a reason not to.

Sometimes I just have to thank God for my family and friends. I was feeling down and it was okay to look to them to make me feel better. I love you guys.Really.

Just learned today that I'm officially Not invited to K's wedding and they asked me to change my shift so someone else can go. I did. I hope it rains. A lot.

The entire time in my dream I heard whispers: don't tell Jason. All my insecurities in one dream. That sucked.

Had a dream that I couldn't wake up from where I was told that I wasn't cleaning enough, apparently there was a bathroom I didn't know about.

A moment of zen: I realized that I don't despise every customer that I talk to. That I don't have to try so hard to get people to like me. It can't all be bad.

I see you falling and keep getting back up. That's the part that I keep reading. Even as I write this, I'm nervous that responding so deeply will push you away.

I'm on the edge of epiphany and mystery commenter brought me closer. Even if I never know who you are, thank you for caring. It made me feel better about today.

Be the me that I am to my blog. That's who I really am. I was afraid that I lost the real me in all my fronts, but this is where I'm the closest to me.Thankyou.

Who was that person that commented the other day? A real person w/ a crush on me? Who am I not letting in? A teammate? C? K? M? Or T? Am I grasping @ straws?

Sometimes I'm such a fuck up. I didn't mean to. Damn it.

Nobody can love me as much as I need to be loved. It's unfair to expect them to. Needing them to just pushes them away. It's my burden to bare. Still I hope.

I just have this big void in me. Loneliness. Nobody can fill it except for me. If I let others get close, I push them in hoping they'll make it all better.

Every time I let them in, I dissapoint them. I have issues with attachment and I don't want to get attached and push them away when I need them the most.

I'm attention starved at the moment I shouldn't let that affect the way I act, I'll only end up pushing people away.

Awww Jamie, you're strong. If anybody can deal with that, it's you. Still, I wish I could make all your problems go away. Let's run away, I'll meet u in Guam:)

I'm starved for affection, filled with rejection. Sad, lonely, depressed. In other words, back to normal.

I'm starved for affection, filled with rejection. Sad, lonely, depressed. In other words, back to normal.

I still find myself thinking: I wanna go see Denise and realizing she isn't there in Newport waiting for me. RIP I still miss you cuz.

Why can't I ever do anything right? No matter what I do, I always get screamed at. It's not my fault, I swear.

M's rejecting me, so's A, the roommates are understandably wraped in their own lives and the family's busy. Why loose anxiety if it meansI have to find lonely?

I think I like sunrise better than sunset. One is the end of light, the other the start of something new. Besides, mornings smell better.

It sucjs disapointing Gabi, I'm so sorry. There was nothing I could have done this time, I swear. Remember this feeling on payday.

Sometimes I amaze myself. Giving the team credit for my idea builds credibility with the team and I still get the credit anyway. Genius!

Hello?

Ping

An afternoon to kill. A (very) little money, not tired enough to sleep, without the energy to do much more. Shit happens.

--
And I'm drivng w/ across town w/ a prego roommate, pray for me friends.

Too tired to look at my phone . . . things are moving that shouldn't be. Alas, one more time!

I'm at the hospital with Whit (roommate) for her ultra sound. Her bf had to work, so I'm here for her as she's been there for me. Yet still I fear her at times.

I am a thank you whore. I will do anything for a graciou thank you. My biggest flaw? Hardly my biggest, but close.

I'm bored, I'm not sure what I wanna do. Two days off inna row, what am I to do with myself?

Fmylife.com, textsfromlastnight.com, Facebook, Horoscope, E-mail, mugglenet.com. The order that I checked websites on a Saturday morning. A moment in time.

Am I so pathetic that even my own family doesn't want to hang out with me?

What's up with this? Nothing to cloud the mind in the past 48 hours and the world seems a dream. Lack of sleep, the new medication, a dream within a dream.

Remember: M is being a bitch, do not partake with R unless he contributes too.

Why is it that one conversation and a quick goodbye and I'm thinking . . . maybe she likes me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm pathetic, desperate, hopefull?

There's nothing quite like a cup of coffee, a cigarette and the haze of the night before lifting with the fog of the morning. Beauty in simplicity.

I spent a few days at the gparrents. They won't be around forever, if I have another 10 years with them I'll be lucky. And yet I have to let go and grow up sad.

I didn't drink and drive, but I've never been called a bloody anything so it might've been worth it, ha ha.

I. Will. Never. Drink. Again. I'm serious this time. I quit drinking from now till forever.

Every time I drink, I understand more deeply what a pathetic looser I really am. Good thing I don't drink very often, it's lonely.

I think I'm gonna do somwthimg stuoid and drive hime, we'll swe how it goes. Wish me luck everuone.

Caught between gay curious and desperate. Probably juzt desperate. I REALLY shouldn't drink like this.

Just a note, I started a new anti-anxiety drug 2 days ago. The American medical system definatly encourages hypochondriacs.

I am so mad right now, they wouldn't let me donate because of my minor anxiety issues. I was the classiest person in that shit hole.

Sitting here waiting to "donate" plasma. I passed the first test , and no UA. You know it's a low class place when I'm the best dressed in the joint. Haha.

That is the nicest thing anybody's said to me in a long time. One day, my Kiwi Angel . . .

Of course it matters Jamie. What's makes you less than okay? You mean a lot to me. I know one day you'll randomly stop commenting but I'll never forget you.

Give Chicago guns back? Constitionally they should have them back, but they're violent enough without giving the "good" guys guns too. Common sence prevail!

I can almost never enjoy the moment. I'm always worried about what's next or what was and never about what Is.

When X and Y clash, they contaminate each other and neither is effective.

This is why alcohol is legal and weed isn't. Its all about the initial effects.

X views the world as it should be. The world isn't against him, maybe he is normal. He can be loved. . in moderation. "Too much of a good thing" is X's peril.

Substance X's and substance Y's realities conflict. Y thinks everybody's against him, he's a step below everyone, he has no confidence. But it's all good.