I am so scared this morning. Change is being thrust upon me just as it has been for months now and all I want is someone to make it all feel better. I know that no one person will ever be able to make it all better, but that's what I want right now. A hug, a few kind words, I've used up all my friends. I still miss Amy, and Grant and Whitney, even though they hurt me so much, I still miss them. I know that they can't make everything or anything better, but everything's changing and I'm scared damnit. I don't want to drink, I don't want to smoke, I don't want to do anything like that, I just want to . . . I don't know what I want. I want . . . I want . . . Well maybe I don't know what I want, and since I don't know what I want, maybe I should focus on what I need. I never really ask myself that question.

I need to get out of debt, I need to get my licence back, I need to get my own place, I need to get a better job. In the immediate future, I need to get ready for work. I need to go to work and not think about all the stresses in my outside life. I need to concentrate on work no matter how mundane and consuming it is . . . Blah. Now I have a head ache. I just want a magic pill that will make all of life's problems go away.