November 28, 2010
I still hate. God do I still hate. I wish I could love half as much as I hated. But I can't. I've been wronged by so many people lately that all I can feel anymore is hate. I can't forgive right now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive. I'm just not strong enough. I miss my friends. But I pushed them away. I promise to be a better friend, a better son, a better brother. Not conditionally, just because it feels good to be good sometimes. I just want to feel a little bit better about life, but I can't. Even as I'm writing this, I just want someone to tell me it's going to be okay.
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2 comments:
It's going to be okay.
But ffs man you need to get help.
Get your ass to an AA or something.
I don't know if this will help babe, but what I've been doing lately is having a word, a mantra I guess, that I repeat when I feel angry/wronged/hating about things For me what has been working is "I understand". Just saying it in my head. I understand. People aren't perfect. People hurt me. People don't always think of me. People fuck up. But I understand. I understand. And I feel more loving, and peaceful, when I think that. IDK, it was sort of a revelation for me, and has really helped me to be happier in exactly the same circumstances that would have made me miserable in the past...
xx Jamie
It will be alright, I promise. You've been through worse through the years. Hang in there day by day. I'm not going anywhere. I hope the same for you. You are loved.
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