I killed the family tonight. This family has been dieing for a long time, but today I killed it for good. Family has always been such a huge part of my life, one of the primary virtues that I look at in myself that makes me, me. And I killed it. I don't know what came over me, but I was having a great day with my family. Parade, BBQ, birthday party, all so much fun. And then because my uncle made comments about me that struck too close to home and because my grandmother defended me, I lashed out at him. When it was all done, I went outside, screamed "What did you do to turn your son into a Chi-Mo?" And the fight was on. He got into my face, looked like he was gonna hit me. His wife got into my face. My little sister started crying I asked her "why the fuck are you crying?" My step-dad got into it, even though I tried today to kiss his ass. I tried today to kiss everyone's ass. I kept it in all day long, and it wasn't good enough. I don't know where it came from, I don't know how to fix it. It was all going so good, until I was sitting at the computer and something possessed me to go out there and start the fight that ended the family. I have no idea where it came from. And now, the family is dead and it's my fault. There will be no more BBQ's, no more birthday parties, no more anything. I told my uncle that I hope he fucking dies when he goes into back surgery later this month. What if he does? What if he goes into that surgery and he dies and we haven't made up? What if I never talk to my sisters again? You know, he said, "Why don't you do us all a favor and go kill yourself." What if I do? Then I win. That's all it would take to win this. Yeah, it'd be selfish and it would hurt my little sister forever, but maybe it will turn her into a better person in the long run. I know me being in her life as I am, isn't making it any better. I know me being part of this family right now, isn't making the family any better.