Happy Thanksgiving everyone. What am I thankful for this year? At the moment, not much. I'm grateful for all the things that everyone's thankful for, a roof over my head, food in my over inflated belly, a job. I just don't want to be here, or anywhere for that matter. I'm going to die when I'm 36, but that's 8 years away and I really don't want to wait that long. Who knows, maybe I won't. My little sister used to be my reason for not killing myself and now that I'm not her brother anymore, I really have no reason to keep on going. My current plan is to wait until my other little sister's wedding day and kill myself then. That way I ruin her big day. I'm not sure why I want to ruin her day, but at least the day I died will be remembered then. I don't want my death to be meaningless. I could go on a shooting spree and commit suicide by cop, but the part of me that still hopes for a Heaven won't let me do that. Besides, those people aren't remembered anymore. It happens too often. Maybe I'll take a gun to work and shoot myself in the head right in the middle of my first complete of the day. That would be interesting and at least for the people that are there that day, they'll never forget me, or at least they'll never forget my final act.
So that is me on Thanksgiving 2013, still contemplating suicide. I really wish I had the guts to just end it all.
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