My desire to be taken care of conflicts with my responsibility to be independent. Both conflict with my need for inner peace. And I'm alone.

Blah . . . now I'm sad. Comes with the territory I guess.

I was just reading about David the Gnome on wiki and it had a pretty heavy plot. It taught kids to be communists. And it was Spanish. Weird.

I'm of the first generation to never know the fear of the Cold War. I can't immagine what it would have been like to know that death could have come from above

I've been a bit preoccupied over my own death recently but when I die I want part of my DNA sent into Outer Space, beyond the orbit of the earth or sun. Please.

Why is 120 dead in an earthquake less of a tragedy than 120,000? If every life is infinatly valuable, the loss of just one is a tragedy beyond comprehension.

So I saw the son of my cuz that just died. He's not doing too good, but he seems like he's getting better. Kinda puts my problems into perspective.

Just a random story from fmylife.com, but it brought up my feelings on love.

I get disgusted whenever someone is secretly in love with someone else. If you've been in love with them that long and nothing's happened yet, it never will!

How can I expect people to respect me if I can't respect myself? How can I excpect to find love when I can't love myself?

I've never figured out how to give myself the respect that I give other people. It's not easy and there's no instruction book for that one.

I know that I'm equal, but I can never quite believe it. The opposite of faith I guess. I can believe in God but never quite know that He exists.

I'm a lesser person and therefore I must contribute more to be treated with equal respect. Which leads to less respect. Seems like circular logic to me.

Blah I HATE Fridays, I'm always bored and I'm already sick of reading. Now I'm just kinda sad and mildly lonely. Like I miss someone but I don't know who.

Of course you're not wasting your time. I love waking up to comments from you. And it's always helped in the past.

And when they don't, I give them a reason to. Something so bad that they can't be blamed for giving up. It's easier to hate myself than other people.

And it's always the new one that cares like I should care for myself and do care for them. How many times have I heard "I won't give up on you?" They all do.

Happy Valentine's everyone. My celebration: Deleting Amber (2 years ago ex) from my phone, not the first time, but definatly the last time. Here's to single. :(

I keep on thinking food then I think about eating . . . gross.

I don't really want more, I just seek approval and attention at any cost. Why are my true motives so childish?

And yet I can't say no to altered reality . . . ever. Now there's an issue that needs to be explored . . . later.

I still don't like weed much. Its scarey to see myself as I reaaly am, and it makes me really anxious.

Just smoked a bowl alone. Now I remember who I am and who I was. I slipped back but I didnt go all the way. I just hope they understand.

6 hours before work and I'm awake, bored, hungry and broke. Alas 18 hours till payday, food and cigarettes.

Every time I think about asking for money I don't. 27 hrs from payday, $10 would mean food and cigarettes, I can survive without. Punishment for my sins.

Off the top of my head: The reason I'm alive is because I'm afraid of dying. Probably not good enough, buy at least I'm not suicidal.

I don't care about happiness anymore. I don't have to worry about happiness when I'm broke. Borrowing money from family is proof of unconditional love.

I'm ready to stop moping over being single now. Alas, not till Valentines passes will I be back to myself again. I'm just sick of being sad, lonely, jealous.

I miss my mom and family. Its only been since Christmas since I've seen everyone, but still. I feel so ashamed.

My horoscope always says I'm about to find a new relationship. Why is That part never true? Maybe none of it is ever true and I shold really give up this time.

Creating Drama to manufacture purpose? I hope so. It's definatly a better reason than being incapable of handeling love or money. But thanks for caring. Really.