Welcome to July everyone. June was an exercise in futility with nothing coming out of it except for "revelation" about college, a slightly larger savings account, and a more refined plan for my gambling vacation in October. Nothing ever changes! Life is short and I'm wasting it! I know that I've said this better before but I'm so sick of routine!! I need an escape from this, there is so much left to do in life and every day I spend here is wasted! I realize I need money to live, but who wants to just exist in life, I need to live it. Maybe I should join the peace corps and leave this life behind for a year or so, of course that probably won't work considering I went to Maryland and Hawaii for a couple of months and (don't tell anyone) the homesickness ate at me everyday I was there, knowing that I couldn't leave whenever I wanted to made it that much worse. I'm so conflicted, I want out but my apartment in my sanctuary, nothing can harm me in those walls except for the walls themselves as they close in and consume me from the inside. So much resentment builds up in me, I want out but I'm afraid to leave. I'm screaming to be released but begging to stay. Is there no compromise or have the failures of past lives condemned me to conflicted misery.