I just wanted to tell somebody this, I'm sure I'll tell my family and they'll be happy etc. but won't believe me until they see it. It may be just another pointless dream, but I'll write it here first.
I'm going to college.
Maybe not, and I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm sure when I realize what hard, tedious work it will be I'll be discouraged and after being discouraged I'll probably give up. But what I know now is that I have no long term goals. Sure I'm getting a car within a month, and my 21st birthday is in 68 days. I'll get four days off for drinking and after that a four day tour of Oregon's Indian casinos some time in October. But what then? I'll probably start thinking about Christmas again. Then after Christmas I might think planning another extravagant vacation, maybe Mexico this time a week in Baja or Cancoon, or Vegas maybe.
I really love to travel, so that doesn't sound that bad, but before I know it I'll be 40 lonely and bald, but TODAY is the day that this path ends. I see the end, I always see the end. But the roads between birth and death are many and varied. I'm not sure where college will take me, at 20 I'm still not even sure what I want to do in life, I've changed my mind so many times. What I do know is that I want more than this, not more stuff, but I want to be more. So today I make a choice, I want to enroll in community college for now, in either the Business Administration, or Business and Supervisory Management with my eventual goal being an MBA.
So everybody after months of longing for something more, I have a long term goal, more than more money I will become a bigger cog in the machine of corporate America. Yeah it goes against most of what I believe in, like I tell myself daily: Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to have the things you want to have.
The sad thing is, I already feel the sloth in me creeping in. I wrote this nice little entry, and I want it more than anything now. Well, I want to want it (kind of the way I feel about blind faith). When I look at the alternative to college, there's nothing there, except there is. There's travel there. I can see the world on a budget two weeks a year for the next 40 years! The trouble is, I'll still come home to a crappy apartment and a dead end job.
Well I'm still young, I still have 3/4 of my life ahead of me. If nothing else, by taking the first college course and getting my first college credit, I'll have done more than my parents did in life. And this will sound incredibly vain etc. but it's a good feeling to be a better person than your parents.
I'm going to college.
Maybe not, and I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm sure when I realize what hard, tedious work it will be I'll be discouraged and after being discouraged I'll probably give up. But what I know now is that I have no long term goals. Sure I'm getting a car within a month, and my 21st birthday is in 68 days. I'll get four days off for drinking and after that a four day tour of Oregon's Indian casinos some time in October. But what then? I'll probably start thinking about Christmas again. Then after Christmas I might think planning another extravagant vacation, maybe Mexico this time a week in Baja or Cancoon, or Vegas maybe.
I really love to travel, so that doesn't sound that bad, but before I know it I'll be 40 lonely and bald, but TODAY is the day that this path ends. I see the end, I always see the end. But the roads between birth and death are many and varied. I'm not sure where college will take me, at 20 I'm still not even sure what I want to do in life, I've changed my mind so many times. What I do know is that I want more than this, not more stuff, but I want to be more. So today I make a choice, I want to enroll in community college for now, in either the Business Administration, or Business and Supervisory Management with my eventual goal being an MBA.
So everybody after months of longing for something more, I have a long term goal, more than more money I will become a bigger cog in the machine of corporate America. Yeah it goes against most of what I believe in, like I tell myself daily: Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to have the things you want to have.
The sad thing is, I already feel the sloth in me creeping in. I wrote this nice little entry, and I want it more than anything now. Well, I want to want it (kind of the way I feel about blind faith). When I look at the alternative to college, there's nothing there, except there is. There's travel there. I can see the world on a budget two weeks a year for the next 40 years! The trouble is, I'll still come home to a crappy apartment and a dead end job.
Well I'm still young, I still have 3/4 of my life ahead of me. If nothing else, by taking the first college course and getting my first college credit, I'll have done more than my parents did in life. And this will sound incredibly vain etc. but it's a good feeling to be a better person than your parents.
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