So my mother calls me last night freaked out over me being potentially bi-polar, since when does that bitch have a right to give a fuck about me? Wow, where did that come from? I don't know, but let's go with it. Actually let's not, I'm just so tired of being so stressed, so angry and depressed, and now this will take an extraordinary amount of effort to fix, not to mention money. My mom acted really strange last night, like she was talking down to me and pretending to care now that she realizes that something real might be wrong with me, even though she's always treated me like shit. I repeat, what gives her the right to give a fuck about me now after all that she's put me through. She was never there for me growing up, we were always so fucking poor. I didn't even ask for graduation picture, or year books, I was embarrassed asking for graduation ware. What am I doing here, I'm at the very edge of tears right now just because mommy didn't love me. Goddamn her for putting me through this. This is all her fault, just like every fucked up thing in my life, it's all her fault. I was fine with being bi-polar, my thought was I've always been like this, so now my life can finally start to get better. I've always been one to wallow in self pity, but I would never let people feel for me. I don't really want anybody to care. It's weird, I want people not to care, I say that all I want is for somebody to care, but when they do I get nervous and try to push them away. Like it's un-manly to need somebody to say it's going to be okay.