I'm sitting at the computer begging the universe for something to do. My life go stagnant so I decided to go into a self improvement kick, and I've actually stayed off soda since Thursday. The trouble is, even when I loose a hundred pounds (and I know I'll do it eventually) and I'm back to my idea weight buying clothes at normal stores again, I'll still be left alone. I don't think better looks will necessarily improve my situation, it seems I had better looks in high school and it didn't get me very far. But I always said that if I had the knowledge of today with the looks of five years ago than I would be able to get a girlfriend. Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't, but finally I get to try. Another weird accomplishment, I ate a normal sized meal: three scrambled eggs, two pieces of rye toast and a big glass of milk, and I was full. I haven't been full off of that in a long time. Now the key is to keep it going. I don't have big elaborate goals for myself right away, I have the eventual goal of reaching two hundred pounds, but I need to focus on one thing at a time. So I'm no longer eating within two hours of bed, and I haven't had a soda except for a half a glass first thing in the morning since Thursday. I know nobody cares, and I should really stop talking about it, but for the first time in a while I feel . . . . what do I feel, validated? No not validated, normal? No, no that either. I guess I just feel proud of myself, like I'm worthy of something that I wasn't worthy of before.