I hate people, rather I hate being around people. I know I have to be around people at work, but when I come home I just want to crawl into my cocoon and not let the rest of the world penetrate. Seriously, give me a sack of weed a video game and a house full of food and I'm in heaven. Or at least that sounds a lot more appealing than the current state of things. Really socializing seems like too much effort all I want to do is sit back and relax and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. Of course when that actually happens I'll be here screaming at the world that I'm bored, cursing god for making me so damned lonely. Of course there's always M. She's in love with me and I don't feel much for her. It seems like the way she acts towards me is a lot like the way I acted towards A. It's like living on the other side of the mirror it's that similar. I don't know if my experience with A and knowing how that turned out makes me reluctant to let any feelings that I have for M show through. But when it comes down to it, I just want sex from her. I know I can't stand her, but I don't know how much of me not being able to stand her comes from me.


To change the subject mid-sentence, I just deleted A from my Yahoo and Myspace lists, and out of my address book and off my phone. Right now I'm at the point where I'm desperately unsure of what I feel towards A. So unsure that I'm sure I don't want to explore it, but it will probably end with some revelation of how she used me or how unstable I really am.

Alas, I'm off to happier things .