I need someone to start my life with, but who cares? Who cares that I have so much to offer a girl, who cares if there's somebody out there for everyone. Except for those people who die alone and miserable with their family all dead and keep cats for company. Of course I'm going to end up like that. I'm never going to find anybody. Even if I did find somebody I won't know what to do with them. Well maybe I will. I think I'm at a point in my life where I really could be good in a relationship. I finally understand how they work. You have to get to know someone first, date people that you can see spending all your time with instead of girls that are good for fun. I want all of that. I want my happily ever after. I'm sick of being a bachelor. I want a wife and kids and a job and a house and a nice car. I want to take vacations with the kids and grow old with someone. All my dreams of adventure are finally dead. I just want what everyone else has. I'm tired of living like this. Desperately trying to distract myself from the inevitable at any cost. Because as soon as I have any time to think at all, I dwell on the fact that I will most likely die alone. I'm constantly reading or watching TV or doodling in Power Point at work. I can never let my mind stay idle because if I do I'm left alone with my own obsessive thoughts. Why can't I be normal? Why do I have to constantly talk myself down from panic attacks? I just want to be normal. Please God give my Happily Ever After and the American dream. Give me what everyone else has. I know it's not the solution to all of my problems, it's just the start of the solution. I'm sick of disappointing my family that I'm not married, I still don't have a steady girlfriend, that's all they want out of me and I can't even give them that. I'm such a failure. I'm never going to amount to anything and everyone knows it, especially me. I don't know why I keep going except for it's better than the alternative.