So Lonely! I can't believe that I'm still writing about the same shit that I've been writing about since high school, but OMG, I just can't get over it. But that's just the reason that got me here today. What I really need to talk about is Z. Well I guess it's a who and not a what, and for now Z will just be Z. Besides a really annoying letter to type, Z is my best friend.

She's taught me the depths of friendship, the limitless nature of platonic love, and most importantly, no matter how much I sometimes want that line between platonic and passionate love to blur, it can never be. I wish there was more to say, there is a lot more to say. I love her, I Love her, I LOVE her. She's my most important friend in the world, maybe because I like to think that I'm her most important friend in the world. I don't know what I want or need from her. I don't know what she wants or needs from me. I just know that I can be there for her when she needs me as much as she needs me to be. I know that I'm learning the next lesson in friendship from her that Shane and Opal started back in Job Corps. I know that she's beautiful, and smart and sweet and an amazing friend, and that I would do anything from her and not expect a single thing in return. I know that unlike almost anyone else, she will never use me. Blah, I CAN'T PUT THIS INTO WORDS!!!!

This is so frustrating! This is where I go to make sense of everything, and I can't. I'm a failure as a writer and as a friend. Maybe this is finally the end?