11 days. This time I'm in counseling and I'm really, really, really trying to make everything better. Not all better. I know there's no such things as making things like they were before this journey started. I don't want to be where I was before, where I was before wasn't all that great. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and the first week was amazing. I knew what it was like to want to quit. I'm not going to fail this time, I refuse to get back into the same old cycle. Not anymore. I know I've said this before, but now when I want to use again, I think about the Hell of using and I want to use a little less.
I'm trying to do this for myself, but it seems that most of the time I'm doing to get back the family and friend that I've lost to this. Maybe I never really lost the good friends, but they took a step back from me to protect themselves and I understand that. When I make it to 30 days I'm going to go back and reconnect. Marlee of course has always been there, through everything, despite my Ferris Beuhler rule that made me push her away when I could have had her. Suzan and Sarah and Coleman and if I can manage it, Mehgan and Richard are those friends that were SO much fun. I know I make a policy to never mention names here, but I figure for once, it's positive, so I'm okay with that. Of course I did mention Kandi and Thor when I was still fuming about getting fired from Assurant.
Anyway, my next mile stone is 3 weeks. I've gotten to 3 weeks at least 3 or 4 times in the past, but I never made it past that, this time is different. It's going to be hard, hell it's been hard, but I will make it through it this time. I know it.
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