Suicide Videos

For something as all consuming as life is, ending it is somehow anticlimatic.  I guess it would have to be, but you'd think death would be more . . . fantastic.  Not fantastic like a fireworks show, but more fantastic like the resurection of jesus.  Maybe relivent is the word I'm looking for.  I don't know, but for as much time as I spend thinking about it, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.  So is this my suicide note?  Probably not.  I'm kinda too tired to finish this thought.  I don't know.  Maybe God will do my (and my family) a favor and let me die in my sleep.  Please God, if it is your will, let it be.  If it isn't, then grant me the strength to get through it.  Of course you probably don't exist anyway and I'm praying to nothing, but you HAVE to exist.  We feel the void in our coniousness and most people come up with the same answer: God.  So God, save me, help me, or fucking kill me already.  I'm done with this.  I don't even have my final out anymore.  Oh well, maybe I'll find one, let's hope so.  I'm publishing this unedited etc. etc.  Good bye.  Gabbi, Ally, I love you, but the pain will be temporary, better to have a lot of pain now then to see me find my rock bottom and keep on digging.