Am I crazy? Yeah I am.

It’s like I’m too different people sometimes. There’s the angry Jason that just wants to fight with everyone, then there’s the “real” me. The sad, lonely, addict who’s struggling through recovery the best he can. Real me is realistic about the future, maybe a bit naïve, but trying to work through it. The angry me is just that, angry. Consumed with all the negativity in life. Nothing’s good, he hates his life and blames everyone else. The trouble is, we both live in the same body and I can’t control him when he’s out. He’s been out for the past few days and here I am dealing with the consequences. Do I have real DID, or is this trying to pass blame for who I am? I don’t know. It’d be nice to have a diagnosis that I can identify with instead of just another addict. I’m tired. Tired of picking up after him, tired of being him. I really want to change, but I’m lazy. I’m very, very lazy. I want everyone else to do it for me. I just want to sit in my room and let the world pass me by. It’s wasting this great and mysterious gift of life, I know it, but I don’t care enough to do anything about it. I know there’s a 3^rd me somewhere in this mix, someone that actually gives a fuck and wants to change, and sometimes he comes out to play, but mostly it’s angry and me. I guess I’ll call the current me, passive. Am I crazy? Most definitely.