The Death of Manny

Even though it's been 62 days since I've partaken of Manny's favorite food, he still lingers as loud as ever.  (Translation: I haven't smoked meth in 62 days and I'm still hearing voices)  Yesterday I want to the doctor and they gave me some medicine that might kill him.  I almost feel bad.  I'm afraid of how these drugs will change me.  These voices have been a part of my life for 3 years and maybe starting tomorrow they'll go away.  They're never pleasant, ever, but whenever I needed to distract myself from something that I didn't want to think about, they were always there if I called upon them.  Of course they kept me from sitting in a quiet house and relaxing.  There's always, always noise in my life.  Hopefully starting tomorrow the voices in my head will go away. 

RIP Manny

52 days clean today.  Yay for me.  Never thought I'd make it this far.  I know that I'm not going to give in at the point.  It's that simple.  No matter how lonely I get, and I've been unbelievably lonely the past couple weeks, I'm not going to give in.  My unemployment is done used up.  My uncle died yesterday.  I should give up, it'd be so easy.  I'm not going to.  All of those people that speak of suicide as the most selfish thing one can do must realize that not committing suicide is one of the most selfless things a person can do.  To those of us who have been at the edge, sitting in a house alone watching suicide videos just to stare death in the face, wondering what it will be like to finally give in, we know what it's like to pull ourselves up so we won't put our family's through that.