52 days clean today.  Yay for me.  Never thought I'd make it this far.  I know that I'm not going to give in at the point.  It's that simple.  No matter how lonely I get, and I've been unbelievably lonely the past couple weeks, I'm not going to give in.  My unemployment is done used up.  My uncle died yesterday.  I should give up, it'd be so easy.  I'm not going to.  All of those people that speak of suicide as the most selfish thing one can do must realize that not committing suicide is one of the most selfless things a person can do.  To those of us who have been at the edge, sitting in a house alone watching suicide videos just to stare death in the face, wondering what it will be like to finally give in, we know what it's like to pull ourselves up so we won't put our family's through that.