Ha ha,I'm so excited, I came back from my lunch to see a new senior rep. possistion open, so I promtly updated my resume, filled out the application and turned it all in within an hour of the possistion posting. Of course I probably won't get it, because there are people here with more experience than me. People that have applied more than twice for the possistion and have been doing this kind of work longer than I've been alive. But still I have support of my two immediate supervisors, and I know what I'm doing. Though they did give a week to apply this time, so more people will apply this time. So I won't get my hopes up too high, but it's still nice to think about. Well I'll tell myself that I'm not getting my hopes up too high this time, but I know I will, and when I don't get it I'll be devastated again. But by the time I learn I did not get the job (sometime middle of next week)I'll be close to pay day and I'll see Disneyland will be less than 20 days away.
Do you think that it would be bad to mention that every thing I have done at this job since getting turned down for the position last time has been centered on getting this position this time? From checking call logs to making call backs, from socializing with new reps to building trust with the old ones, it's all been to get this job. I know that no matter how prepared I am for the interview this time, no matter what I do, I'm sure that there's nothing I can do to get the job.
February 27, 2006
February 20, 2006
I find myself falling into old patterns, as much as I've learned, it means nothing. I am still the friend and not the bf. They come to me for guidance and when they need something, I don't want to be the wuss, but here I am. How can I do this after all I've learned? I'm so mad at myself for doing this again, no matter how hard I try I'll still the person that gets walked all over. The only difference is that I know what I'm doing this time, but what good does that do when I can't stop it? There is so much more to say and I should have stopped there, but I don't know how to stop. I don't care anymore, I just want to drink myself stupid and curse my naivete, I'm so sick of being this way. God help me to break my patterns! I need these to go away. So perfectly content to be alone when hope peaks it's ugly head I jump at it the same way I've always jumped at it, and it never works. I need to stop this, but I don't know how. God how I need help, why can't I be content to be alone any more? I didn't realize how alone I was until I thought I might not be. And now I do the same things I've always done and it never works. I know it's not that I'm fat and ugly, though that has a lot to do with it. I know that I always become the wuss friend to girls that show a little interest, and they never show any more. What I don't understand is how I can see this happening and do nothing about it! Oh how I need help, even to be content in being alone again. Or to accept the futility of life one more time, that's all I want. I don't mind being lonely, but hope comes into the equation it makes lonely so much worse. I don't care any more, I just want to drink myself into oblivion and become friends with addiction one last time.
February 19, 2006
Damn emotion and curse hope. So being perfectly content with loneliness, hope comes when I neither want nor need it. Then just as soon as hope pokes it ugly little head into my perfectly lonely life, it bites then hides again. Now conflicting life lessons besiege my attempts at companionship. Do I feign interest, or disinterest? Do I flaunt my availability or my mystery? Logic dictates the former, self help the latter. Yet my muse defies logic so neither hold the key.
February 13, 2006
Why do they always do this to me, when they need people on the question line the most, they decide to take me off of it. With everything that I do for these people that is above and beyond what I have to do as a regular rep, these people should at least give me the curtousy of never taking me off question/escalation line unless absolutely necisary, these people can go to Hell! How dare they, I check call records, I make call backs, I take escalations and everybody KNOWS that I know what I'm doing, and they put my on Haier only?!? This pisses me off so much, those people at command center need to realize that I'm one of their best reps, and need to treat me accordingly!
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