A few things to say today. First: I love Coke Zero, it is my current pop of choice from my local vending machine, and for $1 a piece from machines, who can complain. It's not as sweet as diet coke, though to say it tastes like coke would be a lie. I don't really like coke, though for a while diet coke was okay. The taste is more like mild coke flavor, not as sweet as either coke or diet coke. The point being, I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT :)

In other and more pressing news: two days till Disneyland, or a matter of 4 hrs. And 42 minutes of work :) This maybe be my last post before Disneyland, so wish me luck. Will a mild, but fiercely independent fool be able to adapt to family life for a week of innocent fun. Of course, what do I know of innocence? Purity maybe, but innocence was robbed for my young. Alas, it's the happiest place on earth, who can't be happy, and driving is half the fun :)

Amazing, and studpendous and perfectly prestine, lessthan a week we shall be gracing the big D with ourpresence.

Why do I even write in this any more? Why do I do any thing any more? Life is the futile persuit of distraction, and as much as I strive for distraction, it never works. And though I am aware of the futility, acceptence does not come with realiziation. It's like an athiest recieving a sign from God, he believed all his life that there was nothing to the universe except for random events, and then there God is, in all his bitter glory. Would the athiest accept God, or would he justify it, only to have his sub-concience gnaw at him until one day, months or years after the experience, he realizes, behold the Devine Obscurity! As it is with the athiest, it is with me. I've tried all my life to put meaning into all that I do, and when I learn that there truly is nothing, I still try to find meaning. Eventually it gnaws deep enough into my soul, so one morning I'll wake up and smile. For that day is the day where the obsurdity, obscurity and overwhelming sense of nothing will come over me, and then and only then, can I accept "LIFE IN THE PERSUIT OF DISTRACTION!"

Why do I even try? It's as simple as that, why do I try to get ahead, why do I suck up to these people for a job that I knew I wouldn't get? Honestly why do I even try to be anything more than a lowly phone monkey? It didn't matter that I've worked every day since last Saturday knowing that saying no keep me from getting the job. It doesn't matter that I've been doing my bosses bitch work for weeks trying to get the job. It doesn't even matter that everything that I've done since getting turned down for it last time has been centered on getting this new job. Nothing really matters. At least they could have sent me a different e-mail from what they sent me last time I didn't get this. I think I deserve more than a form letter. Or maybe I don't, maybe they don't respect me or my ability. Maybe this truly is just a job, and they really can take this job. And to top it all off my F*checking computer broke last night!! There really is no point to it all, is there? You try to get ahead in the world, and you get kicked right back down. I knew this before, and somehow I made myself believe that there is a point to it all. That there really is more to life than distraction. I knew before that you're born and you die, and everything else is the pursuit of distraction. I knew it before, and I've learned it again. It's amazing how a little hope will pollute a perfectly pessimistic mind. Pessimism is depression, to be pessimistic is to view life through clear lenses instead of the proverbial rose colored lenses. Optimism is over rated, and I don't want to be here, so these ass holes can go to hell, damn my compliance, I just don't care anymore.

Yey, only 14 more days! And they call me in, I'm so sick of kissing ass at this place just to get a job that I will never get. I do so much extra work, In ever say no to coming in, even though I haven't had a day off since LAST saturday, at this rate I won't get a day off 'till my vacation in 14 days, or14*8=10*8=80 + 4* 8=32 so 112 working hours. That's assuming I don't get a day off until disneyland, which at this point seems likely. I heard a nice little happy rumor yesterday though. The decision is in fact split between me and one other person, and my boss Carol wants to choose me, but they're getting other input at the moment. But somehow I don't care right now, I'm SOOO tired, they called me at 7:30 and I wentto bed last night around 3 or 4. Somehow 4 hrs of sleep at the most, is sadly inadaquite. I'm nodding off right now, but on the bright side, only 8 1/2 hrs left before I can go home and do laundry :D I think I'll take a nap now, ha ha. But right now I'm reallynot liking my job. Of course I could have said no,but the person making the final decision about the job called me personally, if I said "no" it would just look so bad. Goddamit, I'm so tired of waiting to here if I got the job or not, I know I probably didn't get it, but at least they can tell me so I don't work14 days in a row fearing that saying no would make me look bad. Well this is getting long and wine-y so Ishould stop. But think of it, 14 days from this verymoment, we will be on our way to cal-i-forn-i-a!

Some people just make me mad. I know there are mature ways of dealing with anger, like discussing it with the person you're angry with. I know there are Immature ways of dealing with it, like yelling and screaming, or going behind people's back etc. Or do it my way: let the anger flare then subside, ignore something long enough at it usually goes away. But on a happier note, two weeks from today I'll be running around like the proverbial chicken trying to get ready for disneyland all the while trying to figure out what I forgot! :)

22 days till Disneyland, and all is well, I'm so anxious to get away from work, I really don't want to be here today :( Well I guess today is my Monday, so maybe that's why I don't want to be here. I work my butt off for this company, and sometimes I'm just not appreciated like I should be. But I think I'll just grit my teeth for 22 more days and then I'll be able to go to sleep on the 23rd and think that I won't have to work for over a week, I'll stop thinking about it etc. So when I come back in April, I'll be ready to go for all that I need to do. 22 more days, that's only 176 working hours, a pay day and a half. I thought I would be so excited once I saw my vacation on my calendar, but it still seems SOOOOO far away.