Why do I even try? It's as simple as that, why do I try to get ahead, why do I suck up to these people for a job that I knew I wouldn't get? Honestly why do I even try to be anything more than a lowly phone monkey? It didn't matter that I've worked every day since last Saturday knowing that saying no keep me from getting the job. It doesn't matter that I've been doing my bosses bitch work for weeks trying to get the job. It doesn't even matter that everything that I've done since getting turned down for it last time has been centered on getting this new job. Nothing really matters. At least they could have sent me a different e-mail from what they sent me last time I didn't get this. I think I deserve more than a form letter. Or maybe I don't, maybe they don't respect me or my ability. Maybe this truly is just a job, and they really can take this job. And to top it all off my F*checking computer broke last night!! There really is no point to it all, is there? You try to get ahead in the world, and you get kicked right back down. I knew this before, and somehow I made myself believe that there is a point to it all. That there really is more to life than distraction. I knew before that you're born and you die, and everything else is the pursuit of distraction. I knew it before, and I've learned it again. It's amazing how a little hope will pollute a perfectly pessimistic mind. Pessimism is depression, to be pessimistic is to view life through clear lenses instead of the proverbial rose colored lenses. Optimism is over rated, and I don't want to be here, so these ass holes can go to hell, damn my compliance, I just don't care anymore.