I know it's been almost a month since I've last posted, and honestly I don't know why I bother. Right now I'm sitting at home all alone, bored to death, though I have plenty to do. It's amazing, I have PS2, XBox 360, a huge selection of movies and a fast computer with the entire Internet open to me, and I'm sitting here feeling so goddamed lonely. I know I've written about loneliness a hundred times in this blog and if there is anybody left out there who reads this, I'm sure you don't care anymore. Hell, I don't even care any more. What's scary is that as sad and lonely as I feel right now, I can't think of a single thing that would lift me out of this depression that wouldn't send me into a deeper one in a few hours. I guess I can sit here alone and get drunk, but intoxication is slowly loosing it's appeal to me. Life seems too short and even if I could live forever, there would still be no point. God I'm so sorry on so many levels for so many things. I don't know any more. Is there anybody out there that cares about my poor lonely soul, or have I burned all those bridges? And even if there was somebody out there who cared, would it really make a difference? *sigh* Maybe I will get drunk and drown in a pool of my own vomit. I'm sure that won't really happen, but for the first time in a long time that seems just as appealing as anything else. Maybe it's simply a lack of weed. Maybe I'm so addicted to that supposedly non-addictive substance that I feel suicidal without it? Or maybe the reason I'm feeling depressed is that my roommate still isn't home. I know I'm not his baby sitter and he's not accountable to me, but it would sure be nice to talk to someone right now. Really anyone would do. I've been burying myself ion Harry Potter for the past few months living in a fantasy world, but it seems that the world I escape to is just as hollow and unfufilling as the world I escape from. Oh I don't know, maybe a drink would do me good. I think I'll try that and get back to you guys in a few minutes if that doesn't help.