July 04, 2007
My little sister's asked about me this morning and what I was doing for the 4th of July. The thought of somebody caring enough about me to ask what I was doing on a holiday really put tears to my eyes. I know it's not true, but it hit that I have zero self confidence. I'm confident in what I do, but not in myself. My self immage is of a fat, ugly looser with a bad attitude that nobody can tollerate. I know this is a false immage, but it must be what I really am or else it wouldn't put tears to my eyes simply because my sister's asked what I was doing. *sigh* It's okay though, because I cannot cry under any circumstances. Crying as an almost 22 year old man is simply unacceptable. If there's somebody out there reading this please leave a comment so I know that somebody give a fuck.
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2 comments:
Keep faith in yourself.Remember no one person or thing is what you need but only to believe in yourself.
I hear you. Your cries do not go unheard. I have been where you are. A place of absolute nothingness that nothing can or will change. To being lonely, alone and not understood or heard. It seems so impossible to be anything different or have something more. Out of the ashes that were burning for so long you think the hole you are in is all that will ever be. Believe it or not, you can get out of it (I did!)and see the light that is just above you. I promise the light is there. However you must make the step forward. Your life before was what others have made of it, yet you are still there from hearing those voices saying you can not be anything or that people do not expect you to be something more. You must take a step out of the oblivion. It does not need to be a major life change. For now it can just be you are worthy of love. You will say it not believing it at first and it may seem awkward, but if you say it enough you might see that you can and deserve more. It does not matter how fat or how worthless you feel,YOU ARE NOT. Don't give up hope, for nothing will change if you do. It's in your hands to change your future. You just must be willing to take step forward and quiet the voices that tell you you can't.
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