It seems like everywhere I go I'm surrounded but love or death. I hate it. I swear that if I have to hear my roommate kiss his girlfriend one more time I'm going to say something. Okay, I won't say anything, but it's really, really driving me crazy. And yeah, I know I'm not ready for a relationship, that's fine, but it doesn't change the fact that I HATE to have rubbed in. I'm so sick of it! I know I'm going to die alone, again that's fine. If I'm not ready for a relationship at almost 22, I'm never going to be ready. I guess it was inevitable that I would die alone, but I didn't think I would give up this quickly.

Ugh, this isn't about me, this is about those fucking love birds rubbing their happiness in my face. It's not even that I'm jealous, well maybe a little, but for some reason the sound of them kissing disgusts and enrages me. I know it's irrational. Great, now I hear them FUCKING! I am getting so mad. I know I'll be able to control it and I know I'll hold my toung again because these thoughts are so irrational. Wow I turned on a little Marilyn Manson and the rage seems to go away. Wow, I'm irrational tonight.

As far as the other part of this rant, being surrounded by death. I was sitting in my room watching the Daily Show because my roommate hi-jacked the living room and for some reason a vision of my grandma's funeral popped into my head. What's weird about that is that's she's not even dead. It's like I want to cry to release all these emotions but I can't. I can't cry any more. I used to cry all the time, up through high school anyway. I remember crying at Job Corps too. But it seems like the last time I cried was during a night of drinking and I made an ass of myself. But I have to tell you, crying feels so good. It's the release of all these negative emotions that have nowhere to go.

There must be something seriously wrong with me, and I hate it.