Dear first and future girlfriend,

Here is a letter that I wrote in the middle of a haze, under the influence of a very deep movie, it rambles a bit, but it's from the heart so don't be too harsh.

I don't know who you are, but when I meet you I'll probably say something stupid. I'll probably act scared to death and I'll never look you in the eyes, don't take it as it insult, it's how I am. At first I'll try to impress you using all those endless dating techniques written about on the Internet, please ignore this. Just assure me that you like me for who I am, not for cheap pickup lines that are never quite explained in all those dating techniques. When I finally accept that you like me for who I am, don't get scared of what you see. Accept my insecurities, let me know that none of them matter because you love me. If I get too clingy, tell me, I've never had a relationship, I don't know what to do. If I'm not clingy enough, push my boundaries, let me know that it's okay to show affection. If I sometimes jump at your touch, don't be alarmed, it'll take me a while to get used to all of this. And above all, remember that I'm new to this and that I would never do any thing to hurt you, so if I do something stupid, I promise it wasn't on purpose.

So there it is my first and future girlfriend. This is what you've gotten yourself into. If you can't handle it or if I'm just not worth it, leave now. I'm used to rejection, just don't make me think that there's something here when there isn't, I'll never hope again if you do.

For lack of an elegant sign off,

Jason

UPDATE: I think I'm going to put a slightly edited version of this on craigs list just to see what happens.