So I went on a first date tonight with some girl I met online. And the girl just wants to be friends. It's not that I was that into her, but it still sucks to be rejected. I know I've said this before, but I'm so sick of being alone. I did all the right things with this girl, but I'm sure I made some sort of mistake somewhere. Maybe it's just my destiny to die alone. Maybe it's not, I don't know. It seems like the last girl that I was really attracted to was Gina from Job Corps, but she wasn't interested in me because I was too interested in her. At that point I made up my mind not to seem too interested in any girl, but maybe in my quest not to seem too interested I don't seem interested enough. Ugh, why is this bothering me so much? Why does one rejection from a girl that I wasn't that interested in hurt so bad? It really does hurt, I'm just so damned sick of being alone. Again, I know this is familiar ground, but it shouldn't hurt this much. I want to let this role off my back and I'm sure by the end of tomorrow it won't matter, but for now it hurts. Just the hope that this girl might like me made my roommate's girl friend a little more tolerable. Now seeing them together feels like the universe is rubbing love in my face. All I want is for somebody to be attracted to me. I know I'm not that attractive, but I thought that if I just lowered my standards far enough I would find somebody that was willing to lower their standards. *sigh* I guess that isn't the case. Or who knows, maybe there really is somebody out there for me, I just have to quit looking. Yeah, right. If I stop looking then I'll never find anybody. Fuck it all, at least for tonight. If somebody reads this and wants to offer some words of comfort, I'd really appreciate it.