Another Christmas alone. What can I say? If I write what I want to, I'm boring; if I write what I feel, I'm redundant. I can talk about how my cousin tried to put my life in perspective by telling me about how bad her life was growing up, but all I felt was marginalized. Also, validated. Is it wrong to feel good when somebody opens up to you? Here they are, opening themselves up and telling me secrets from way back when, and all I can think about is how cool it is that they trust me.

Alas, back to being marginalized. Just because somebody's childhood was worse than mine doesn't mean that I don't have the right to feel bad about mine. Besides, she was always the popular one with all the friends, the Marsha Brady of the family. She seemed to have everything going for her, at least she got good grades and had a social life. The point is, because she wasn't repulsively ugly like I apparently am, she had things easier in life. Despite her troubled home life, she still had the advantage. The advantage of being a normal looking person in a shallow world. I would have taken on any of her disadvantages, just to be good looking.

If I were a good looking person, I would have had normal relationships. I would have had a social life in school, I would have dated and maybe married and maybe have a kid at this point in life. I know I'm only 22 and I've never had a steady girlfriend, but growing up I always thought I'd have a wife and kids by this point. Maybe it's becoming a weird obsession, I know I tend to be prone to those, but I would love to have a kid. We all know about the 18 year commitment, but I don't see that as a disadvantage to having a kid, it's a small sacrifice for passing on your genes. And that is my revelation tonight. Having kids is a sacred act and should not be done carelessly because having children is the ONLY path to immortality. It's not God or Jesus or even through writing. Even if people don't remember you, there is always going to be a part of you in the human race if you reproduce. Who knows, maybe once I have a kid I'll finally be able to accept death and live my life.

Oh and if this is not interesting enough for you, or if I'm just a bad writer, tell me. I'll give up my last grasp on my dream of becoming a writing because of a single anonymous post telling me to.