I've just had another epiphany about why I cannot find a relationship. Of course it's possible that this might just be yet another justification for my pure laziness when it comes to finding a relationship, but I digress. The following analysis comes from ColorQuiz.com.
Your Stress Sources:
Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains his attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off his feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on his emotional relationships as he must know exactly where he stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against his own tendency to be too trusting.
What that means is that I surround myself with the aesthetic and I pretend that I have superior taste in movies, books, food, etc. because of how I approach relationships. I'm still so afraid of trusting people's motives (after an humiliating moment in 8th grade), that I can't feel comfortable in a relationship unless the other person is completely open to me about their intentions. In a relationship or on a date, or in life I spend so much time trying to determine whether or not the other person really likes that I don't give them a reason to like me.
What this epiphany comes down to is this: I need to spend a lot less time questioning people's motives and spend more time giving people a reason to like me.
One more thing before I go. I may have been a bit of an ass to some people earlier tonight. Let me assure you that I am really a nice guy and please attribute any offensive stories to a streak of self destructive behavior. I'm not sure where it comes from, but whenever things are going good there's some defense mechanism in my mind that trips and I do unconscious things to make sure things go wrong eventually. That's why I got kicked out of Job Corps, that's why I have debt, and that's why none of my relationships have ever lasted.
Good night.
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