So I'm back. For better or worse, this blog continues. I thought that once I had a girlfriend the would make sense, that I wouldn't need this anymore. Now that the relationship is over, and at least for the moment I've finally accepted that there's no going back, I am ready to write again. I don't know what I have left in me, but I know there's going to be a great entry on whether or not it is really better to have loved and lost. Right now, I'm not so sure. I know that it's a lot more complicated to have loved and lost than to have spent the past two months buried in a sack of weed. I guess there are some good memories, but they all seem to be tainted with questions. "What did I do wrong?" "What can I do to make it all better?" "Will it be another 22 years before I find someone like her?" Who knows, maybe those will go away and in a few months or years, I can look back on those memories and smile. I can't help but wonder if this is what my real father felt for my mother. I mean he left her when he heard of me, but what if he regretted it for the rest of his life and finally gave into the bottle? What if he became a social recluse because he couldn't deal with the pain of lost love. Or maybe I'm romanticizing this entire situation. I don't know. Alas, I'm off to work and it 9 long hours I'll be back and I'll get to hind within the womb of messy apartment and let the world go on around me as I let my problems drift away on a haze of smoke.