"Love in any sense means complete acceptance of an other's faults. It means seeing somebody at their worst and loving them not despite it, but because of it. "

This is from my Aug 26, 2007 entry, right in the middle of the perpetual loneliness thing that I'm moving back into. Talking to Jamie today I realized that though A insisted differently, I really was in love.

Here is Jamie's definition of love:

Caa: You just know. You think of losing them and you want to hug them close and not let go ever and you get so scared that you end up clinging on too tight. that's how u know

Or maybe I wasn't. Maybe I knew it so well on an intellectual level that I knew exactly how I was supposed to feel and I felt it. It's like taking a drug for the first time after reading a big article on it first. How are you supposed to know what was really the affect of the drug and what was placebo affect. Wow, that's hilarious. I had placebo love for A. It really does make things seem less bleak. Sure it may be another 12 years before I find anything close to love again, but at least I know that was I lost wasn't my first love, just the closest I've ever come to it.