So half way through the year and I've had two failed relationships. I've learned some valuable lessons, after this last relationship I realized that I shouldn't go for any girl that I can get, I should wait for something real. But I've been looking the past couple of days and I see potential dates and girlfriends everywhere, but I didn't see anyone that I could be satisfied with. I have all these ideas for the ideal girl and both A and M fit some of those. I want a shy girl who wants me more than I want them, or at least as much, who is out of my league but doesn't know it. I want a girl with no obvious physical flaws. M had the waddle neck and A had a big, lips shaped mole on her nose, but I think about that mole and I still feel something akin to love or at least closer to it than I ever got with M. I can still A in my arms. I really thought there might have been something there if I didn't fuck it up by getting too attached. Then I remember how much she hurt me, how I could never trust her even though she said that's all she wanted from me. How she laughed in my face when I told her I loved her. Maybe love has let me down and I want to give up on it for now. If only I had the same feelings towards M that I did towards A and A had the same feelings that M had for me, then I would be in love with the girl of my dreams and she would be in love with me. Wow, is all of this saying that I'm still not over A? God I hope not. I don't think that's the case, I know I'm over her . . . I just think I'm done with love too.