I am not a stalker. I was sitting around hanging out with my friends and M brother R and K were clearly flirting. At this point I'm more baked then a baked brie and I make a comment "I think they should just have sex and it over with," which was apparently very offensive because he went straight for the jugular and said "At least I can embrace a friendship instead of coming across as a creepy stalker."

Which is always a deep fear of mine. What if I am some creepy stalker that nobody likes? What if all that the roommates are filling my head with is bullshit? What if me and M really will never be, what if nobody likes me? That comment basically threw me into a panic attack. I made a semi-polite exit saying it was time for me to go to bed then I sped home so I could quiver up into a ball and cry. Every time I woke up that's all I could think about and I was able to calm myself down a bit, but as I wake up for the day, I'm still panicking. I don't know.

What's scary is the panic is as much over potentially not seeing her tonight as it is about her thinking I'm a stalker. What is wrong with me? Why do I get so attached to people? Especially if I'm not even dating them? Her brother seems to think that I will never have any chance with her and loves to remind me of it, my roommates who only hear my side of the story seem to think that I might have a chance. Obviously her brother is right there, he sees us interacting and he talks to her away from me. I don't know what I think at all. I know I want companionship and I thought M would provide it eventually if I wait long enough.

Of course what I'm going to do is discuss the stalker comment like an adult. And I know it will all be okay and I know it will be. I'm just still afraid that she won't want to hang out tonight. Isn't this all stalkerish and obsessive?