Yeah I didn't think I had a secret admirer, no big deal. I guess I missed the point I was trying to make yesterday about how there's potential Happily Ever After everywhere. I see it everywhere, but the affect of that is I get my hopes up and then I get rejected again and again. So seeing Happily Ever After everywhere is actually living in a constant state of rejection.

You say I'm always there for a friend, of course I am. I'm constantly seeking approval. Doing stuff for people and being there in crisis is an easy fix for that. See I'm selfish for being there for people all the time because I'm just fulfilling my own emotional needs. And when I actually need a friend there are very few who are there for me in real life. Of course, it's not like I ever seek the other end of the friendship. It almost all circumstances I'd rather go hide for a while until my emotions are in check enough to function and then if anybody's interested I'll lie and say it's no big deal. It's just easier that way instead of hoping someone will care about my problems and being disappointed. And then if they do, I'd rather not spill all my problems to anyone because nobody cares. But I understand why nobody cares and I feel no resentment for them.

Or at least I can distill all my emotions into a little vial of suppression and hide it behind the routine of daily life.