She's fucking with me! It’s S. She messages me all day every day at work or at home and I love hanging out with her, but I’m obviously not her type! When she can get the big tough auto-mechanic guy named Korn, what the hell does she want with me? She could have most any guy she wants, well maybe not, but a hell of a lot better than me, and she’s playing with me like this. With every message from her, I get a little more attached, and yeah maybe someday she might be into me as something more than just a friend … at this point, I really would be happy with cuddle bitch even, I’m going to get hurt here and I don’t want to get hurt. I really, really, really, don’t want to get hurt again. I know that part of life is putting yourself out there to get hurt in the end, but please not again. I can’t take another broken heart. It took my so long to heal from the last one. I’m almost getting to the point where I can connect the dots between like/love and sex, almost. But sex be damned. I’m not that good at sex, sure at foreplay, but sex, I’m almost 300 lbs, how good can I be? I just really want someone to cuddle with. I don’t even need to make out, I want someone to hold in my arms. I need the physical contact.

But ugh! I’ve known from the beginning that I didn’t want to get attached to her, she’s outta my league, but she’s cute and she’s funny and she’s interested. And oh my god, she’s a red head. And this goes back to the old HS crush Theresa, I like her voice. There’s just enough raspiness in it to make my spine tingle every time she says good morning.

Phew, that felt good getting out. Maybe that’s why I’ve been obsessing over this, I’m afraid that I’m going to get hurt. That’s why I love to write shit down.