Blah, I gotta deal with my family today. They hate me and I hate them, but way too often I we have to get together and pretend we like each other. It's a lot of bullshit if you ask me. Why do I have to be nice to these people that I don't like? Because they're family that's why. I don't want to do anything except tell these assholes off, but I'm not gonna. Instead I'm going to smile and laugh at their "good natured" insults. And I won't bring up the fact that my step dad hit on my cousin, or my cousin is a pedophile when they bring up the fact that I'm such a fat, lazy, piece of shit, poor excuse for a human being. I won't bring up the fact that my mother is a murderer or my sister's a looser who can't get a job when they're degrading my choices in life or saying in their own passive aggressive way that this family has seemed to perfected: "Why are you eating so much?" or "I've lost fifty pounds . . . ".

Why is there so much hate and resentment towards everything built up in my recently? Where is my happy? I'm not even looking for Happily Ever After anymore, at this point I would be content with one of those moments where I stop and say: at this moment, life is good. I haven't had one of those since I lost my job and my apartment. I just want happy for a little bit. Please God, just a moment of happiness today is all I need to get me through the next few weeks, months of the Hell that has become my life.