My horoscope says I should feel confident today and try something I've never tried before, take a leadership role or something, but today I'm feeling particularly un-confident, well maybe not, when I'm the center of my own universe, it gets lonely. In other news that I'm not going to write about, more family drama that somehow, some way I get dragged into no matter how hard I try to stay out of it. Of course it doesn't help when some of my family arbitrarily throws my head on the block for not good reason. I guess you can't expect the dull light in box to cast the whitest light. Not that I'm not guilty of it myself. I'm the first person to cast the stone at somebody else when, the stoners are aiming at me.
Speaking of stoners, I had a dream. We were at suzie's wedding, which hasn't taken place. But we're at spirit mountain, or some casino, or possibly on the way to California. Maybe, I'm just not sure, but some hotel. It's me and my uncle, and my mother, and other people that I can't remember. And all I remember is picking up a pack of Winstons, and for some reason there's a half a special cigarette in there. The rest of the dream is like a cartoon, running around aimlessly trying to get rid of it, and then it goes missing, and we're all running around this abandoned hotel/casino. Like that scene in The Stand, where Flagg gets pissed in the casino and chips go everywhere, people die and all that fun stuff. Ha ha, the dream was like my favorite movies all mixed together and puked out with the turmoil of my life.
See this wasn't the emotional screaming that my Blog usually is, as I said, the integrity has been compromised by professional involvement.

I AM SO PISSED OFF!!! SO A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I'M AT MY GRANDPARRENTS, AND SOME COMPANY CALLS AND SUCKERS ME INTO CREDIT REPORTS OR SOMETHING, THEY SAY THEY'RE CAPITOL ONE, SO I CALL CAPITOL ONE TO CANCLE THAT NIGHT! AND IT STILL SHOWS UP ON MY STATEMENT!!! THIS PISSES ME OFF SOOOO BADLY! HOW DARE THEY, I KNOW IT'S ONLY $6, BUT NOW I'M PISSED. AS SOON AS I GET OFF, I'M GOING TO CALL CAPITOL ONE AND YELL AT SOMEBODY! I DON'T CARE WHO, BUT THEY'RE GOING TO CANCLE THAT!!! I SWEAR TO GOD IF THEY DON'T I'M CANCELING MY CREDIT CARD AND THEY CAN GO TO HELL!!!!

So the anonymity, and integrity of this blog has been compromised. No longer will I be able to express the raw emotion that has so nobly led me to who I am today. This blog will now be but a subdued shell of it's self. This blog will now be a bland and exceedingly tasteful log of the day to day events the comprise my life. For what's it's worth I will have a more raw and emotional blog at a later time, but for now, this blog is just will suffer.

WHY AM I STUCK HERE ON CHRISTMAS TEACHING STUPID PEOPLE TO PROGRAM THEIR TV'S? WHERE DO THE EXPECT MY HOLLIDAY SPIRIT TO BE? DO THEY REALLY WANT ME TO SMILE AND PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE? WHERE IS MY GOOD WILL TOWARDS MEN? THE FIRST PERSON I TALKED TO TODAY KILLED IT WHEN THEY MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M NOT AT HOME WITH FAMILY GORGING MYSELF ON FOOD AND SMOKING WAY TOO MUCH, ARGUING WITH EVERYONE, AND ENJOYING MYSELF. INSTEAD, I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND TELL STUPID PEOPLE HOW TO HOOK UP THEIR GOD DAMNED TV'S!!!! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, MY CHRISTMAS DINNER IS GOING TO BE F#$%^&G POP TARTS!! JESUS CHRIST CAN KISS MY ASS!

MERRY F#$%^&N CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Divine Obscurity!

I know there are people that aren't quite comfortable with this phrase. To use a godly connotation on something as unholy as being alone, doesn't quite click with some people. So let me explain.

Divine: universally accept. Accepted by the universe as being good and right! There is nobody that can tell you "no." Because the UNIVERSE it's self has accepted you! THE UNIVERSE IT'S SELF!! As it nobody can tell you you're lower than what you think you are. Divine doesn't mean better, it means more than.

Obscurity: existing, but not quite. Living, but barely. Kind of like Stephen King's low men in yellow coats. So flashy and vain, but at the edge of reality. The center of your own existence, but not registering to anybody else. Holy, hedonistic bliss, and nobody cares!

THAT is the point of divine obscurity. Existing for the purpose of pleasure, and nobody notices!

Should material goods really make me this happy?

Am I really so vain that material goods can make me feel happier than I've felt is months? Has my long and arguous search for happiness been unnecisarily drawn out? Can this emptiness that I've fought to fill for so long really be filled by "stuff." The short answer is: yes!

I've been poor too long not to thuroughly enjoy my neat stuff. Namely: POS computer and my amazing internet connection.

So here's the thing, I've been writing half posts all week, so right now I'm publishing as, so who cares, except that this is published, and it won't lay dead forever as a draft!

Just a Poem

By JF

Oh sweet, bitter irony!
In the oblivious abyss of my soul,
There is no room for feelings,
No room to care for anybody but I

My Hedonist Soul begs for release!

The boundless failures of past lives,
Besiege me as I rest,
Lost potential and hidden desire
Replaced by divine obscurity

So much to talk about . . . . .

So here's a list, then we'll see, what I get around to.

1. I got a new computer, kinda slow, but DSL is on it's way
2. Work
3. Disneyland!
4. Secret Santa
5. The Chronicles of Narnia
6. The rumor mills a spinning

So let's start with # 6, because that's what's on my mind. I heard a familial rumor about something that I shan't talk about for fear of repercussions. But ooh, is it a doozy. I'm not one to gossip, but this one I can barely keep to myself. I guess I've been corrupted, ahh! If this was a bit more anonymous than it is, than I would be ranting and raving about this particular issue until . . . Until I was done, lol.

So onward and upward to number 5. The Chronicles of Narnia, I just got a paperback copy of the entire Chronicles of Narnia from my secret Santa, which leads me to number 4: secret Santa. So I was cheap with my Secret Santa, $5 giftcard from Del Taco, but my Secret Santa was great, I got a four pack of Frappacinos and the Chronicles of Narnia :^]

And upward to DISNEY LAND! I'm going to Disney Lane in March! I can't wait, I'm applying for the vacation later this month, but I have to loose weight to fit on the rides ha ha. I've never been, and it's been too long since I've been out of Oregon (since July!) So as soon as I loose some weight and stop eating out, I'll starting saving major $$$ for D-Land.

So let's skip work, because work is just work though I'm now eligible for benefits, too bad I'm not eligible for vacation for ANOTHER three months, ugh!

And now, my new crappy computer. Almost the slowest POS I have ever been on, except for g-ma's POS, but I hope it's just because I have dial up on it, soon I'll have DSL, which I hope is faster than dial up, and slower than cable, it's costing me enough! $35 a month, ugh! But that's all for now.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Review

(updated)

The first thing I have to consider when reviewing this movie, is whether or not to view it as a movie by it's self, or as an adaptation of the greatest children's book ever. I feel that it is impossible to consider the movie without comparing directly or indirectly to the book.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is by far the best movie of the series. Though in comparing it to the book is falls just a little short. There is so much that is good about this movie, I am reluctant to say that it is anything but perfect.
The movie opens with a chilling dream sequence, during which a muggle grounds keeper is struck dead with advera kadvera curse when he accidentally walks in on a meeting between he-who-must-not-be-named and the rat guy from the third movie. This is one of the most chilling scenes in a fantasy movie ever.
From there Harry is awoken by Hermione, now a striking young beauty, and is rushed to the Quittich World Cup. I have to admit, I was disappointed by QWC scene. The book takes 175 pages to describe and detail what the movie rushes through in 15 minutes. I can't really complain however, as the 175 page prologue was a bit long in the first place.
After the disappointing QWC, there is a fantastic scene where students from two wizard schools arrive at Hogwarts for no apparent reason. The school of French beauties arrives by a giant carriage drawn my flying horses. The Eastern European team arrives by a giant submersible boat, coming out of the depths of the big Lake. Such amazing scenes, not described in the book, I really liked the artistic liberties taken with this movie.
There is another captivating scene where the French school with beautiful girls come in like a professional dance team, swirling and dancing to fantastical music, overtly flirting with the Hogwarts guys as they come to the front of the great hall. Then comes the guys from eastern Europe, marching in like the Russian army only with rhythm and magic flame throwers.
The comes the big announcement: The Tri Wizard Tournament. A nasty little tradition where three wizards from rival schools participate in a series of wizard challenge. There is minimum age of 17 to enter the tournament, but of course this movie wouldn't be titled Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire if Harry didn't mysteriously get entered into the tournament.
What follows in the movie, is a visually stunning, if somewhat accelerated account of the tournament. Though I absolutely loved the tasks where Harry has to fight a dragon for a golden egg, and then fight mer-people to save his friend, the last task where they enter a maze to find the Tri Wizard Cup, was disappointing. This is where any artistic liberties, and time saving cuts from the book become pure and simple butchery. There really is no excuse for cutting the sphinxs from the maze. This was the best scene from any of the Harry Potter books, and to cut it, is really a shame. Now I realize that they needed to cut certain aspects of the book, but did the REALLY need to cut that? I think not.
So in the end: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is a above average movie, from a great book. With stunning visuals and a palatable plot, I would absolutely recommend this to anybody.

Bank Error in Your Favor Collect $50

Ha ha, finally, something goes good in life. They make a mistake on my check and it's an extra $50 for me. So I'm towards the end of my week of Hell, where I work 14 hour days every day except Sundays and keep my days off. My paycheck was $600, when usually it's $560 or so. I'm buying my computer on Saturday from some guy in Eugene, and I only have one more Hell day after today, though if I wake up any sicker than I am right now, I'm calling in sick, which would pretty much eliminate all of my previous OT. Any they put me on Exclusively Haier queue.

So let's explain the concept of the queue, For those of you who don't know, I work at a call center, answering phone calls all day long for various companies. There are two companies that I work for: Haier America and Petters Consumer Brand. They make different kinds of products, but that's beside the point. A call center works by taking incoming calls and assigning them to different reps, based on their order in the queue (or list.) So whenever you take a call you're placed on the bottom of the list. Now this is where it gets complicated. There are three lists: One list for Haier only, on list for Petters only, and one list for both. Most people being on both lists (or queues). So let's say a Petters Call comes in. The call first goes to the person at the top of Petters list, or if there is no one available on the Peters only queue, it is sent to the person on the top of the Both list. So today I'm the only person on the Haier only queue, all the Haier calls will come to me first! That means unless I am on a call, I will get every Haier call that comes in. Or, unless there are no haier calls coming in, I'm on a call!!

But it other, betters news, I'm getting my own computer on Saturday, so finally I'll be able to find the girl of my dreams, and find those ones that got away in high school, I'm so excited, lol :) More importantly, I'm getting my GGW video today (use your imagination on what ggw stands for, lol)