The highest of highs, followed by the lowest of lows. Hope and unexpected fortune give way to fear and despair. Confidence gives ways to cockiness gives way to nothingness.

You know what, fuck it. I need to embrace depression and rejection. The hard part is maintaining a fake smile for all the happy people when all I want to do is crawl into the hole and cry. For what it's worth, I have yet to be rejected by my almost secret crush. But on that end, I'm not getting my hopes up at all. Yet when has the ever worked. It seems the more I try to suppress hope the harder it hits me when it doesn't pan out. Maybe I'll go home tonight and embrace hope. Let my fantasies wander over to the absurd, dare myself to hope. And the purpose for that little exercise, a few minutes of bliss is always worth a few hours, days, weeks, years of pain and suffering.

I was telling somebody earlier today who was complaining about being lonely: At first it hurts, like nobody will ever love you again. Then after a while, when the loneliness just doesn't go away, you realize that it's true. You still have that deep seed of hope waiting to be given breath, but it gets buried deeper and deeper until for all you know it disappears or just dies. But it's still there waiting for a chance to poke it's ugly head, and when it does you try to kill it. But this little seed just won't die. You can bury it a little deeper each time. And who knows, maybe next time it won't find it's way back.