*sigh* I'm not feeling emotional enough tonight to type a lot, but I'm bored and I'm sick of my roommate and his girlfriend. It's one thing to be perpetually pure, but whenever his girlfriend is over it's rubbed in my face.
What's worse, I can't attribute my loneliness to lack of trying. I am out there looking for girls. I'm only 21, but I post a personal add every two weeks and I check three regions of craigs list's personal adds and missed connections twice a day.
Like last week, I replied to a personal add and I got a date. It was just coffee but it was fun. The girl seemed normal and smart and semi-attractive if overweight. I asked for a second date through e-mail yesterday afternoon and I still haven't received a response. I guess any girl that I can be attracted to can never be attracted to me.
There I go again living life in blacks and whites, but there's never been any gray areas for me. Life has always been good or bad, people have either been best friends or worst enemies. I'm not one for causual aquaintences. Ugh, who cares.
1 comment:
xtI love the way you use pure to describe your presumed virginity/lengthy celibacy. It makes me smile.
If I was being analytical I would say that your loneliness isn't the problem- it is your perception that you need a romantic/sexual relationship to be happy. I was the same last year, but I have recently realised that you simply can't be happy with someone else if you are not happy by yourself. A lonely single man becomes a clingy boyfriend and NOBODY wants a clingy boyfriend.
Quite honestly, (and probably judgementally) I don't really think you are ready for serious relationships at the moment. At least not a healthy one. Your depression and loneliness would attract very codependent girls- (I know this, I am naturally codependent and all my previous serious relationships have been with people I wanted to "fix" or help in some way). You don't want to be a project, or even worse, a burden. Self-confidence encourages respect.
I would focus on platonic friendships first if I were you. I know they are not as intense or exciting, but when it comes down to it they are the ones who will still be there when love turns to shit and you lose the person you thought would save you from loneliness.
In the meantime- go out and look in clubs/bars instead of personals ads? I don't know. And even THINKING that someone was "semi-attractive, if overweight" is a shocking start. Girls are very insecure and I honestly think we can sense if someone thinks we are ugly or fat. Or even if they don't we think they do. If you did end up getting close to that girl, writing that about her appearance on your blog could cause trouble for you down the track.
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