Another rant about life and loneliness. I am so sick of being lonely. How many personal adds to I have to post, how many do I have to answer, how many times must I be rejected before I give up. But I don't want to give up. Loneliness is becoming what death is to me: an unacceptable inevitability. Like death, when I think about how lonely I am I'm filled with an indescribable sense of fear and my mind jumps to the edge of panic. And again like death, it's seeming more and more inevitable. I've done all I can and I've had no success. So when I've tried all that I can and it doesn't work, shouldn't that be the end of it? Shouldn't I just give up and spend the rest of my life wallowing in self pity? In other, most positive news, Cassie wants to hang out again. But the trouble with that is she always has a boyfriend and I am very attracted to her. I can't get around that, or maybe she's just the best girl that's ever paid me any attention. Alas, even if she was interested in me I would find a way to ruin it, when somebody gets too close I push them away. I've said this all a hundred times and nothing's changed, but every time I feel lonely it's as bad as the first time and it never gets any easier.