An irrational confession:
I still miss my ex. She was my first serious girlfriend and I thought I could forget about her just by falling back into my old habits, but it's just not working. She changed something in me so deeply that sitting around and smoking weed for the rest of my life finally seems pointless. I'm trying to replace her with another girl, but I'm just not attracted to her like I was to my ex. I'll be sitting on the couch with this new girl and then for no reason I just can't help but think about my ex. I know it's my fault that it ended, I just couldn't trust her. And to be honest, if it came down to that ultimatum again, I would still tell her that I would rather her not hang out with her ex-fuck buddy. And I guess that's where I have to draw my comfort, in the end . . I was right. But that still doesn't help me forget her when I'm sitting on the couch with the new girl. It seems that no matter what I do, I always remember all the good times that we had together. They told me it would get easier, and maybe it has, but it's just like quitting cigarettes: the pain goes away after the first few days, but the desire never does. I guess like death, there's nothing you can do about so why think about it, right?
And a quick PS to the anonymous commenter from my last post. . . if you ever read this again, send me an e-mail, you seem intriguing.
2 comments:
When you first found your girl I said hold on to that and remember it.I am sad it has ended, but those feelings will stay with you. My first love was decades ago, but it as if it was yesterday.Your first love is the hardest to forget,just do not let it stop you from loving again. In time yes it will pass, but you now know you can be loved and love and that is the most important thing. hope you find your true love soon
Hugs for J*
I know you miss A. Were you on the scene when I went through the breakup? No, I was only 15...I don't think I knew you then...
You know, it fades. You've probably heard this a billion times, but grief comes in waves. And eventually, idk, the tide just goes out or smething. There's nothing harder than letting go, but you were right. A was a little like me. You know, the whole have your cake and eat it thing. The truth is, no guy is 100% comfortable with his girl talking with some other guy. Especially when they have had...relations...in the past.
It's not fair to replace her with some other girl. There are a billion ways you can ease the pain without hurting an innocent girl in the process. The way you refer to her as a girl in a sense reminds me of how young you really are. Not a great deal older than I am. A (from what you told me) wasn't especially mature. I mean, that sounds bad but it's true. She didn't understand sacrifice, compromise and delayed gratification; i.e, your relationship blossoming into something truly beautiful would have been more than enough reward to warrant cutting contact with exfb.She didn't get that.
Anonymous's comment was tres sweet. But I don't think that searching for true love is what you need. Remember I always told you that the one way for you to have a healthy relationship was to first resolve your issues with yourself? Well, I think that this with A reinforces my point. You deserve to be happy hun, but no woman (or girl haha) can make you that way, and it's not fair to expect it. That's called codependence.
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