I really need a drink . . .

Of course when I say I need a drink, I really mean I need to sit down and drink myself stupid by drinking an entire fifth of whiskey.  It's weird, it's not as bad as a Meth craving, or at least as bad as they used to be, but it's in the same vein. 

I just drank a half a pot of coffee to get motivation to get my resume kicked out, but I have half of it done so I figure I'm good to finish it tomorrow.  Instead of finishing my resume, I'm sitting here listening to music, playing poker and whining to my blog that I need a drink.  I really could use a drink, just enough to take off the edge.  I think coffee is my new trigger for alcohol, just like Meth which had too many triggers to list, I know how to deal with triggers.  I know how to deal with cravings.  The best thing to do is to feel the craving, let it consume me and then accept it at it's worst.  One, two, three breathe.  I know I can get through this.  I guess there's a reason I don't drink coffee that much.

Okay, I'm beginning to relax.  See, the craving wasn't that bad.  Nothing like that one Meth craving that I had.  I was in Albany and I had a full paycheck on me.  I had just gotten out of a counseling appointment and I was having lunch with my grandparents at Wendy's.   My friend/dealer calls me and says they had the good stuff.  I was so tempted to walk out of the lunch and go to my friend just one last time.  The feeling was so powerful that I almost cried.  I wish I had the words to describe how much effort it took to stay where I was and not go to my friend.  That was literally the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and thing I'm most proud of.  It was that day that I realized I could quit Meth. 
As far as that alcohol craving goes, it's gone now.  Sure, I wouldn't say no to a drink or 20, but I'm not going to pursue alcohol at the moment.

Thanks for listening everyone.  I love all three of you that read this, ha ha.