Drunk and wallowing in self pity. I dunno. Ha ha, seems to be the phrase of the day doesn't it? I don't know, I just feel sad. It's funny that I was in a better mood before I started drinking. But of course I was drinking with AE and her bf. I think K got it in my head that I really am attracted to AE. Of course I am, I mean look at her. She's smart, she's sweet and of course she's good looking, my god is she good looking. But we've been friends for so long, yeah that's bs. I don't care how long we've been friends. But we have have been really good friends for a long time. Intellectual sparing partners, we can bounce our lives off each other and we usually come back with good feedback for both of us. I don't know (magic phrase, ha ha) maybe I am just a little jealous of people in relationships. I don't like this feeling though. For the past couple weeks I've been content in being single and it's been nice. It's nice not to have that insatiable need to be in a relationship. For the past couple weeks I didn't want that hand holding, lovey dovey bull shit that comes with a relationship. I didn't think I could stand anyone enough to be around them that much. At least at this moment that's exactly what I want. The same thing that I've been blogging about for 3 fucking years. Right now I don't think that a relationship will make everything better, but I think, I don't know. I just want one. I want someone to hold right now, damn it, now I'm crying, or at least getting close to it. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm sorry but I feel sorry. Pauses for a moment . . . . I feel lonely? Wow, it seems like forever since I've felt that way. What happened to that facade of indifference?