To continue with my series of waking thoughts. . . . I forgot something very important over the past couple weeks: I don't want friends. It all seems too fake for me. It's all a series of favors. Quid pro quo. Even with family that's all it is. I guess recently I thought there was more. I thought it was about caring and feeling and love *phts* (exasperated sound of bitterness) I guess I was wrong.