Blah, not blah but an expulsion of emotion. Just the release of all tension through my fingers to the computer. It's not something that I want to talk about, I just want to not feel this anymore. It's numb at the moment, but it's there and it needs to go away. Just all that damned insecurity. It's always there, it sucks. I know I look better now than I've looked pretty much ever and it's not enough. I suddenly realize that I look normal enough to get all the normal girls instead of dredging the bottom. I really just need to get over rejection. I knew it was coming and it still hurts the same every time. Of course, I probably set myself up for rejection, but that's beside the point. I'm not really trying to find anything, but it's hard not to when I know I look this good. I guess that's the irrational response to the deeper realization that the reason I don't have anybody has nothing to do with what I look like and everything to do with who I am and my failures in life. What am I supposed to do with the revelation that I constantly seek approval? Of course I know it's been an issue for a while, but to hear somebody else say it really brings it to the front of my mind. Obviously I had a bad childhood and reacted badly to it so I'm still constantly seeking approval from others. That's why I can never do anything for myself, it's always to please someone else. How do I fix it without feeling like a failure for having these weaknesses? Of course if the worst that can happen if I fix these approval issues is that I realize I have them then what's stopping me from fixing them? The answer is simple, I don't know how. I don't know how to fix these issues except to find someway to fill the void.