So it turns out I had nothing to worry about. Me and A are forever nevermore. All well. It's funny how I got my hopes up again. Here I was thinking that maybe something like Love did exist and maybe I messed it up the first time and now I'd have a second chance. I guess I was wrong, no big deal. Maybe it's just because I'm tired or maybe because I'm broke or who knows, but I've been hating life again recently. Not hating life like I used to and I thank God for that, but I've been sad and I don't know why. Usually that calls for a trip to nowhere in search of myself, but I can't do that until I have money again. And it's nobody's fault except for my own that I'm so broke. Ugh, this is a rambling entry again. I'm so sorry that I can't be a better writer for everyone. That's what I feel right now, I feel sorry. Like I've done something wrong and I can't make it better again. Maybe I'm just sorry to myself (not for myself) that I've spent all my money a week before payday and I have nothing to show for it. I'm sorry that I'm gaining weight again. I'm sorry that I can't be happy all the time. I'm sorry that I have such great friends and I can't always return the friendship. I'm sorry that I'm such a good friend and it's never returned. I'm sorry that I still haven't found my happily ever after even though I've lost weight, found God and I swear I'm going to quit smoking right now. It's still not good enough. I'm still alone. I know that I need to go out and meet people and act normal instead of the nervous ball of awkward that I normally am. I know I need to be myself and now that I've discovered myself, I realize that even being myself isn't good enough for happily ever after. And I know happily ever after won't fix everything, but it definitely can't hurt. Ugh, same mindless, different day I guess. Who knows, maybe something really will change someday.