April 10, 2009
I woke up today, not in a panic as I usually do, but in no mood at all. I didn't even want to sleep more, though 45 minutes after waking I want to go back to bed and hide from everyone. I don't know how I can wake up in the best mood that I have in weeks to now I'm just sad. For no good reason, I'll soon be out of money but payday is close and then I'll even have some surplus. I don't know, my friends and I were talking about relationships yesterday and maybe that got me depressed. I've tried not to actively pursue a relationship recently and it's gotten me exactly where pursuing a relationship did: nowhere. I dunno, I'm not really emotional today just kinda sad and tired. I guess that's better than normal.
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2 comments:
I have read your posts and I have some constructive suggestions.
1 STOP smoking pot it only rots your brain and makes you paranoid. Try using the bodies natural high. Endorphins when you feel like smoking pot go out and excercise. Excercise until you feel more muscle pain than emotional. Only then will you have the true high of feeling that you've done something constructive.
2 Love in God is all great unless you can love yourself. Until you can love yourself, loving god will only make you feel like a joke.
3 Relationships will not come to you if you do not make an effort, just like a job. While not actively seeking a relationship is the key you must still put yourself in situations that perpetuate the possibility of a relationship. M does not seem to me like she has any interest in you other than a friend. If that is the case do not cut out your friends with needless pressure. Let life come to you my friend and all will work itself out.
As suicide goes, I have been down that road and I know where it ends, A short drop and a tight rope. You must always choose for yourself how you feel and what actions you take to make yourself feel better. Remember the longer lasting solutions are always the best, pot and drugs are only a temporary fix.
When it comes to the "American Dream" that has always been something that you have to work hard for. It does not always begin with finding a mate for life. You must first get your business in order, good credit score, great job history, etc.
Women are attracted to the appearence of success. Whether that is the car you drive, the clothes you wear, how your body looks, or how much money you make. I would hazard a guess that years of smoking pot and feeling sorry for yourself have left your body wasted and decayed. However all is not lost unless you decide that you are worth the american dream and go out there and work hard to take what is rightfully every mans right.
I would encourage you to take this in a constructive light. These words are not meant to degrade or otherwise belittle you. They are to give hope that the changes in your life that you seek are yours to grasp. You must only look deep within yourself and say "I am worthy" and then act on those convictions. I would suggest professional help if you decide that life is rightfully worth living.
Do not do this for anyone but yourself. Parents, friends who belittle, and society be damned. Doing this for someone else will only end in failure. Do not look around for acceptance because you will only be accepted once you trully accept yourself and all that you stand for. You are a unique, interesting and worthy individual. Do this for yourself and see what life brings your way.
Thank you for giving me the forum to try and bring my life time of wisdom to you.
"2 Love in God is all great unless you can love yourself. Until you can love yourself, loving god will only make you feel like a joke."???
That's like saying only go to the doctor when you're feeling great. Loving myself is something I learn how to do more everyday. Because I am far from perfect, there are many days where I don't care much for myself. I thank God everyday I didn't wait around to "feel great" first.
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