Read this: this is meaningful!!

I was sitting here reading, watching the live cast of the ducks game and just pretending to work when a picture of Melody popped into my head for no particular reason. I haven't pictured her in years. I haven't seen her since senior year of highschool. I realize that the mere thought of her still brings up all these extremely negative emotions.

They say you should face your fears, my fear is Melody. If the very thought of her can bring up such feelings of inadequacy, then it's time to deal with it. So I have to write down everything from top to bottom, bottom to top inside and out, and yet I'm afraid. I made all the mistakes there are to make with girls with her, and until I deal with them I may never have a relationship.

And THAT is epiphany of the day: Until I deal with all the emotions that Meldoy still brings up in me, I will never, never, loose my purity, have a meaningful relationship or ever end the eternal loneliness. The fear that I feel whenever someone gets close to me is directly related to that series of events.

Unfortunately, I'm too afraid to deal with these emotions. These emotions are best left buried where they can never surface and quietly ruin my life one emotion at a time.