Today I cried . . . .

For all the reasons that I couldn't cry before I cried.
I cried because I'm going to be alone forever
Because nice guys really do finish last
Because my parents never loved me
Because I never loved them
I cried for lost love
For the big V
Given to the first who would take it
I cried because I'll never have it back
Fuck it, I don't know if there's a poem here
I cried because I finally felt overwhelmed
It finally felt okay to let it go
And I don't feel any better
I just feel like crying all the time
I don't want to stop
I want to crawl in bed and never leave
I want to relive that amazing day with M
When getting out of bed seemed like too much effort
When I was finally a normal person
When touch wasn't taboo
When love seemed possible
I cried because I gave it up
I couldn't love her
I promised
I told her I was different
I really believed it
I threw her away
Her drama was too much
I thought I could get better
I justified it by not giving false hope
I didn't say:
Let's be friends
I might love you some day
There's always a chance
I said:
We can never be
It's not you, it's me
I'm not ready for a relationship
I really did care
Mindless cliches lost in a broken heart
I thought I was different
I thought I was the nice guy
I was going to make it all better for her
I'm sorry
I miss what we could have had
Or maybe:
I just miss sex
I'm not the nice guy
Just a different method
To the same goal
Maybe I'm just another animal in search of satisfaction
I don't think so
Maybe
I'm sorry